


Under the Waves, Unable to Surface

by Fligleflorence



Series: single dad au (su) [4]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhaustion, Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Mentions of Character Death, No beta we die like Connie., attempted comfort, familial caring, mentions of medication use, self-neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:21:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fligleflorence/pseuds/Fligleflorence
Summary: Amethyst goes to check up on Steven.
Relationships: Amethyst & Steven Universe
Series: single dad au (su) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035186
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Under the Waves, Unable to Surface

  


  


The house was silent save for the footfalls of Amethyst's shoes on the hardwood floor. The sun had long since set, only the moon lighting the house in shades of dark blues. She searched each of the rooms, looking for where Steven could be.

The funeral had been almost a month ago, she would never be able to forget it. The sky hadn’t had a single cloud, warm and bright as if to torment them all. Everyone was there, The Maheswaran’s, the gems, a lot of the townies from beach city. Even those who didn’t know her that well came. Amethyst had never truly felt so alone while being surrounded by so many people. 

And then there was him, Standing at the forefront of the ceremony. There wasn’t a coffin or an urn, anything they could find after his...meltdown wouldn’t even fill a dipping cup. There was just a stone with her name carved into it, the letters no one thought would be there for at least another 60 years. She remembered him, unmoving save for his pink hair fluttering in the occasional breeze. It was surreal to see him so stoic, Steven was always a cryer and never ashamed of his emotions. To see him so empty, like he had no tears left, was more painful than the funeral itself.  
Her and the other crystal gems checked up regularly after that, never really letting him out of their sight. Greg and the Maheswarens offered to take turns caring for Zoey when Steven needed it, Greg even offered for him to move into the beach house for a while. Garnet made sure he was seeing his therapist more often, yet he still seemed so...empty.

It scared all of them, they all knew how much more fragile the human psyche was compared to gems, and how their needs were so much more than theirs. He hadn’t talked as much as fragmented sentences at a time after he had found her...body, how little he responded to any of them. He stopped talking altogether after Peridot's explanation of why he wasn’t able to bring her back to life, how “life” as a recourse worked. She remembered Peridot could barely give the explanation herself without breaking down into guilty and nervous fidgeting. She remembered how his thousand yard stare went to a million. It was the last time he cried, at least openly.

She had checked almost all the rooms save for the bedroom, she knew he wasn’t in there, until she finally noticed a pale pink glow coming from the balcony off the living room. He hadn’t returned to his true form once since Connie disappeared, he had to bend down to get through most doorways. The gems knew it was the stress at first that kept his diamond form going, now it was for a different reason.  
She steeled herself before going out, seeing him like this was painful for all of them. He had a strong grasp on the form by this point, even being able to summon it at will with years of training and practice. Seeing it manifest as a trauma response was like a knife in the gem for her, for all of them. 

She caught sight of him, his large form bent over the balcony rail, staring out into the night sky as if it were nothingness. The chilly night wasn’t really felt by her, but she could tell he did. He wore a large hoodie and every now and again she would see a puff of breath leave him. She made no move until she let her presence be known.

“Hey, man. It’s amethyst.” 

No response. 

She stepped forward, taking long strides until she was standing next to him. He still made no acknowledgment of her. 

Amethyst took a moment to take in his features. his hair was a mess, his signature 5 bumped curls nearly indistinguishable in the tangled disaster. His eyes were glazed and bloodshot, pupils a molten white. Under his eyes were dark purple bruising, the bags looked as though they had bags themselves. His beard stubble had grown wilder, his once clean shaven face filled with hairs going every which way. Even his hoodie had been haphazardly thrown on, looking as though it hadn't been washed in a few days.  
He looked two seconds away from collapsing right then and there.

She placed a hand on his back and sucked in a pseudo breath.

“C,mon Steven. Talk to me.” She pleaded. He hadn't spoken to anyone since the funeral, hadn't even looked at anyone. The gems were beginning to fret, even Jasper seemed on edge. When was the last time he ate or slept, or saw the sun? Hell even bathed? He took care of Zoey just fine with some help from Greg and the gems, but himself?

She waited for a response.

Still nothing. 

She shapeshifted her legs longer to get closer to his height “You’re scaring us, man. You won’t talk to anyone, or even look at anyone...Like, when was the last time you ate or got some sun, or even slept?” her pleading eyes bore into the back of his head. “Please, just...say something, anything.” her voice was small and small and desperate now, she couldn't take this silence any longer. 

He let out a long, shaking sigh before tilting his head up. 

“ I…” he hesitated a long while, Amethyst leaned in closer.

“ I feel… like i’m… just.” his voice was low, deep and quiet. There was little energy behind it, if any at all. He wrestled with what he wanted to say for a few minutes before finally finding the words. 

“Like I'm...sinking. Just trapped at the bottom of some...something, but no matter how hard I try I can't get out.” he continued to struggle to find the right words, to explain what this feeling was. Amatheys could clearly see that, so she patiently waited until he had found an analogy that fit. 

“It feels like I'm at the bottom of some...dense ocean, I can see the surface, but no matter how hard I try to swim up...I can't get there…I…” his words died in his mouth, he never turned to face her once but she could tell his expression was one of agony. He continued. “I know I can’t feel like...this, but...I’ve tried so many things, talked to so many professionals but I’m still…” the ‘depressed’ went unsaid. His voice was shaking now, a barely audible whisper.

He had been to a few psychologists who suggested medication to assist, but were uncertain how his ‘unique biology’ would react to it. He didn’t want to chance emotionally exploding ‘figuratively and literally’. Amethyst began to wonder if the extra measures were needed at this point, it hurt seeing him like...this. 

She hadn’t said anything, not wanting to interrupt him. He could tell. She simply rubbed soothing circles on his back, listening to him go on about how Zoey needed him, how grateful he truly was with everyone's help and he needed to move on. Eventually his babbling turned to mutters, and mutters to another long sigh. He buried his face in his hands for a moment before once again staring out into the night sky.

“I don’t want to feel like this.” His voice was a broken whisper. Amethyst wasn’t sure how to respond, no clue what to say. Everyone was still hurting after the funeral, but for Steven… for Steven she was his rock, and that rock had just crumbled away from right under him. 

At last she found the courage to speak. “I’m sorry” it was all she could think to say, all anyone who looked at him could think to say. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but the words wouldn't come to her, the translation of feeling to spoken language failed her. She did the only thing she could, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his back. 

“We’re here for you, bro.”

He paused.

“I know...Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a snippet from my Tumblr at https://singledadsu.tumblr.com/


End file.
